Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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