Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
