It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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