Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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