Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
