he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
