Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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