We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
