Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
