I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
