yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize