I can tuck mytits in my pants
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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