shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need moral support for this bender
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
