So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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