As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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