If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
