Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
