is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
