talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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