i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
