Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize