I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
