My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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