DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
