Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
