Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
