you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
