i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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