This is not my ceiling
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
