Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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