You're completely useless in the revolution.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
stop calling my apartment porn island.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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