gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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