whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
this will be a night to untag.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
