You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
