On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
