He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
