Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
