Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
