3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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