Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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