gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize