Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
