I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My dick has a subreddit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
