Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
