everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
love makes seman taste better
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
