Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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