Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize