I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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