wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
