I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
