We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
