sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
