...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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