Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
