The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
