singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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