So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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