This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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