i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
