i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
