i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
