Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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