I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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