I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
