Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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