I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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