Your tits are I can't wait for
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
