so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
