my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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