i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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