So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
