It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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