everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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