I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
