I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
