i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
