I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
