I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
