u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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