im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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