I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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