After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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