Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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