whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
