I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
