just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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