3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
