we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
