Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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