I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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