And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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