I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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