I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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