i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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