the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
