I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
