there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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