Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
