Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
worst night to have a conscience
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
