I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
