She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
