She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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