is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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