I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
