I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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